"It's easy when you stop pretending that you just got lost on the way..."

A line from ‘Your Sister’s Clothes’ on Pulp’s ‘Sister’s EP’. “It’s easy when you stop pretending you just got lost on the way…” Having my ipod on random has been good for me today. I heard Jarvis purr those words, and it was as if he was speaking right to me. With all the stress and anxiety I’ve been having about the past 7 months, it’s good for me to remember that I knew the risks in both love and life scenarios going into them. For the sake of the next 6 months of my life, I’m working to keep that in mind. I’m feeling like I’m moving into my recovery period and my leo-self just wants to crash and burn everything that hasn’t worked out. It’s a bad and immature habit that inhibits personal growth. I know that negative experiences can still teach us many things, and the challenge is to find a way to manage the disappointment and negative impact without thinking it was all just shit. With that in mind, here are some updates…..

Dreams and Schemes

So the question has been will I or won’t I…or so I thought. The real question(s) are how do I envision my future, and how much longer can I wait to see if these schemes and dreams will ever come to fruition? Over the past couple months, it’s become apparent that “I didn’t get lost along the way…” but knew the risks involved in pursuing such a crazy plan. Not only because undertaking a project like moving to Libya is no easy task, but also because I know Professor D very well. Since I’ve known him, I’ve seen several “plans” (otherwise known as schemes and dreams) come and go, and I should have know the ephemeral nature of these ideas. Not that we didn’t question if it was real, or in essence a scheme, but that we chose to believe that someone, anyone, could guarantee the promises that were made to us…the promises that we gave up our homes and possessions for. Next time, it’ll be on my schedule, with everything in writing, and visa in hand before I give up anything. So what’s going on now? After an email from Libya asking when we’d be making “our visit” to Tripoli, I sent an email inquiring about what job opportunities still exist for us. This is the response….

As for your job; I would like to tell you that your opportunities to work in Libya for the Oil Institute or the Higher Studies Academy are still available as well as other opportunities in some companies for example. In case you still anxious to come to Libya; I would like to reach for an agreement with you from the beginning, as I already have got an initial work consent for you to work in Libya, in addition to the sum of money I spent for expenses of the previous procedures and I can afford to spend for the following procedures to help you to come to Libya. I will also arrange for the reception at Airport, the accommodation as well as the meeting with the people at the Oil Institute and the Academy. So I would like to ask you should I charge all these expenses to your account or to Mr. Jerry's? In case you have more questions about your job, please be kind to send them to me ASAP to reach to understanding with you in just few emails so that your trip to Libya will be successful.

Uh, what?! In case you didn’t read closely (as I didn’t on my first reading) They’re asking me where to charge all the expenses incurred in this project. I suppose this would be reasonable, except that it was presented to me as myself and Melody being brought to Libya to fill a need for American English teachers, all expenses paid. Now I understand that there are/were things going on behind the scenes, and the main objectives had nothing to do with filling the need for English teachers, but to fill the needs of other parties involved, both New College and the Libyans involved. When I asked Professor D what the hell is going on, he proposed that perhaps these rich business men that he was meeting with the president of NC could perhaps pay for us to go to Libya, as they are interested in doing some business there and were interested in Jerry facilitating a relationship. What the fuck man?! Perhaps this is one thing that should be crashed, burned, stomped on, then walk away and NEVER look back!! My Freewill astrology for this week seemed interesting and relevant….

I'm reasonably certain that a supermodel wearing antlers and clown face paint will soon offer you $10,000 for the right to spank you on national TV. It'll be that kind of week, Leo: a time when opportunities will come your way cloaked in seemingly absurd circumstances. You might also expect that a homeless perso n with the flu will offer to lead you to a dumpster in which there's a suitcase containing a priceless 2,500-year-old archaeological artifact. APRIL FOOL! It's true that this week will bring more opportunities than usual, and they'll probably all have some odd twist--but not quite that odd.

I suppose Rob Bresney has never been to New College or he’d know that in these parts it very well is possible for a tranny drag queen would offer me a million dollars to spank me on TV, or in the middle of Market Street while an impromptu parade goes by at lunch hour. Or maybe a romantic professor will whisk me away on a magic carpet inhabited by rich business men and sheiks all wanting English language lessons by a busty blonde. Perhaps after April 1st, I’ll be a fool no more.