Leap of Faith

It's 6:45am, and I hardly slept all night.
I thought that today, I'd be taking the biggest
leap of faith in my life. I'm leaving home,
the home I've spent 8 years making.
I thought it would be the most difficult
thing I've ever done. There are things that
are really challenging...like what to put in
my suitcase; what books, clothes (that I probably
won't use because I'll be wearing hejab, but
want anyway) and other things I might want to remind
me of home. Compartmentalizing everything
neatly into my rather large suitcase is
the last thing I'll do before American Airporter
picks me up at 12:45.
When I leave, everything will be in check except
for my heart. (HA! Did you see that coming...if
you know me at all, it shant come as a surprise!)
While the last couple years I've been growing in
my confidence in myself
and my abilities, I haven't really worked on my
heart. I've guided half of San Francisco through
the aftermath of break-ups and stay-togethers,
but somehow never managed to work on not having
my own relationships; but always hoping that someday,
my love would come along. I wasn't hopeless, just hoping
that it would work itself out with little difficulty on
my part.

Free Will astrology had this to say this week:

Psychotherapists talk about how each of us has a false self and an authentic self.
When we're in the grip of the false one, we don't love ourselves unless other people love us.
We're addicted to status and other superficial standards of success, and we chase after all
sorts of meaningless desires that can't possibly bring any lasting gratification.
When we're anchored in our authentic self, on the other hand,
our motivations are rooted in a love of life. We pursue our dreams because
they're interesting and exciting, not in order to impress anyone.
The coming weeks will bring a showdown between your false self
and authentic self, Leo.
If I were a betting man, I'd put my money on the authentic one.

In my last week in San Francisco, I've met someone that
brought me to another level of understanding of myself,
and I'm not happy with what I see. Well, it's not so simple,
but I do think it made me realize that the biggest leap
of faith in my life will be falling in love. What my horoscope
doesn't tell me is if I'll be able to overcome my
fears to make the emergence of my "authentic" self happen.
I certainly couldn't make it happen this week when
the opportunities to say what was in my heart came up.
All I could do is cry.
When I board a plane to Istanbul today en route to my
final destination of Tripoli, I'll have a lot to think about.

Bon Voyage! My next update will be from Istanbul!